God as Kosmic Kustomizer

After 52 years on God's green earth, I have finally come up with a rational explanation as to why I prefer women to men.

But, first, we have to begin with Sam Barris, who bought a brand-new 1949 Mercury at the close of 1948.  He drove the car around stock as his daily driver, until he figured out how to chop the top on it.  That was in 1949.  His modifications to the '49 Merc hit such a sweet spot that they have been replicated hundreds (if not thousands) of times since then.

There is a saying on my "side of the tracks" in the car hobby.  It goes:

Anyone can restore an old car; it takes a real man to cut one up!

And so I think of Adam and Eve.  Adam, being created first, was the "stock" model.  I picture God looking at Adam and scratching His head, and thinking:  Hmmm ... I wonder ... if I ... flared out the rear fenders a bit, shaved that annoying hood ornament, and put a couple of Gurney bubbles on the torso ... maybe slim down the jaw line a bit.

Voilà!  Presenting ... Woman ... the Kustomized Man!

I'm just the kind of guy who can never leave a car alone.  There is always room for improvement, whether radical or subtle.  I will always pick the kustomized ride over the stock one.

One might even be tempted to say:

Any deity can make a man in his own image.  It takes a real God to cut one up!

My Own Muse Poem

I wanted a Muse poem of my own, so I wrote this yesterday morning.

I feel a little bad about the in-your-face tone of this poem.  I hardly ever adopt that pose except when trying to psyche myself up to lift heavy weights ... or when dealing with other alpha-male drivers on Detroit's freeways.

But I like it because I cannot recall having seen anything else like it.

My Muse Can Beat Up Your Muse

My muse can beat up yours – don't even try her.

She's armed with wit and sense and holy fire.

Unparalleled in her alacrity,

She will not sanction mediocrity.

Her frightening aesthetic probity

Eschews the common for the rarity.

At home with pen or brush, with harp or lyre,

Her beauty doth continually inspire.

Your muse, I'm sad to say, is often slow.

She's tardy to arrive, but quick to go.

Your muse plants only barren things and plain

Within the convolutions of your brain.

While my muse grants me victory again,

You cannot yet complete your first quatrain.

Your paper fallow, not a word will grow.

Your pen will never reap if she won't sow.

But let us pass from talking of her ways,

And turn again my worthy muse to praise.

In speed and grace she never fails to please,

Likewise in balancing asymmetries.

To discipline and form she holds the keys.

Yet wild she is, untamed as any breeze.

I will not fail to heed her piercing gaze,

Nor fail to thank God for her all my days.

© 2010, Paul Erlandson

Requiem - New Poem from Cynthia Erlandson

This is a poem my wife recently completed. I hope you like it.

Requiem

Three headstones: one marked “Love,” one “Everlove,”
And one – cathedralesque in ancient time,
Now cracked and leaning as if it would fall,
Marked “England” – cast their autumn evening’s pall
Of blended shadow shaped into a spire.
It pierces like an arrow of desire
That only heaven ever will remove.

Fast falls the eventide; now rings the chime
Heard by the faithful as a worship call;
But by those deaf to truth as just the fall
Of one more hour of climbing Babel’s tower,
Or one more vacant night to strive to fill
With empty-minded acts of bland good will
Which time will terminate, and death devour.

Unconscious of the evening clouds that lower
While autumn sunset burns the sky with gold,
The commerce-kings rush past at Vespers’ hour,
As if life’s meaning might be bought and sold.
Blind to the churchyard’s sure and certain sign,
They miss the sun’s last, horizontal ray
That shines on granite stones, foreshadowing
The lightened darkness of that final Day
For which the remnant worshippers still pray.

And do our hearts in modern times incline
To bury ancient landmarks, crumple creeds?
Yet True Jerusalem still intercedes
Amidst the clouded hills of God’s design.
Thus hinges history on pew and quire,
Surviving on the embers of her fire.

© 2010, Cynthia Erlandson

3rd Annual Hot Rod Anglican CafePress Awards

October has snuck up on us again, so it is time for the 3rd Annual Hot Rod Anglican CafePress Awards.

How it works:  I go to CafePress, and type the word "Anglican" into the search field.  This year, I also typed "Episcopal", to see what that would turn up.

For you newcomers, here are links to the last 2 HRA CafePress Awards blogs:

1st Annual
2nd Annual 

Okay, here we go with the 2010 winners!

In the "T-shirt most likely to cause people to squint" category, we have this fine Thirty-Nine Articles T-shirt.  I'm not sure how many people would stop to read it, considering how few can even find it in the BCP.

In the "Remaking God in our own image" category, it was a 3-way tie!

In the "Suffer the little children ... NOT!" category, the result was unanimous:

These fuchsia girls shorts won the "Superfluity of Naughtiness" division:

This mug won the "Best Beer Stein" category:

In the brand new "Coffee Mug I Will Actually Order" category, how could I not pick thisTe lucis ante terminum mug?

The "Tell It Like It Is" award goes to the Youth Group of St. James, Bozeman:

We take a pause in the action to note that when you search CafePress for "Episcopal", you turn up "lesbian" and "gay" as related searches.


With this in mind, a new category,  "Shameless Plug for Anglican Heterosexuality", has been approved.  Here is the winner:

In the "T-Shirts Many Anglicans Actually Need" category, it was not even close.  Sometimes, I wish I had this shirt:

And, last but not least, for the "Mouse Pad Most Likely to Defend the Faith", we have this lovely Quicunque vult (Athanasian Creed) mouse pad.  Obviously, there was not room for the entire text!

A New Guitar: Hallmark Swept Wing

I bought this guitar earlier in the year, and have been really happy with it.  It's a Hallmark Swept Wing, which I purchased directly from Hallmark Guitars.

I first learned about this model from Rick, one of the guitar players from the Detroit-based surf instrumental group, the Volcanos.  I heard him play it at the Detroit Autorama in early 2009, and had wanted one ever since.  I love not only the sound of the thing, but its wacked out body shape.

Here is a video of the "Orange Crush" Swept Wing in action.  It is my band, Chrome Folk Bar-B-Q performing the traditional Spiritual, Elijah Rock.



And here are the Volcanos, with Rick wielding his Swept Wing on the song Beatnik Bandit:

Mariska Veres Tribute

I meant to have posted this yesterday, because October 1 was the birthday of Mariska Veres, lead singer of the Dutch pop/rock band Shocking Blue.

So, I am a day late.

This is a little music video I put together for the 40th Anniversary of the release of the Shocking Blue record Send Me a Postcard.  Shocking Blue did so much more than Venus, which is what everyone remembers them for.

The "ning" website advertised in the video is no longer active. Instead, go to THE NEW SHOCKING BLUE MEMORIAL WEBSITE.

Faceless Charity vs The Good Samaritan

We all know the story, I think, from St. Luke, the 10th Chapter:

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.   A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.   So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.   But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.   He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him.   The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

What strikes me today about this passage is how sharply it contrasts with the most common modern ways of practicing Charity.  It seems to me that, ideally, Charity should be:

1.  Without coercion.
2.  Cheerfully practiced.
3.  Personal (intimate).
4.  Sacrificial (it should cost the giver something).
5.  Particular as opposed to general.

All of these elements are present in the story of the Good Samaritan.  Few are present (perhaps only the Sacrificial element) in the most common forms of Charity practiced these days.

The government coerces me to help other people through taxes.  This makes me an involuntary participant in Charity and, therefore, not all that cheerful.

One rarely sees the face of the recipients of his charitable acts these days.  And it is generic as can be.  To give to the United Way is to cast a limp, pallid economic vote for an inchoate and indistinct "good" as over against a nondescript "evil".  It carries none of the power, none of the emotional intimacy of the Good Samaritan story: 

"He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him."

"I paid my United Way pledge" is weak sauce by comparison.

I had rather give money to a stranger in obvious need than to write a generic check to a meta-charity.  Of course, I can't claim that as a tax deduction.  It is okay; it is supposed to cost me (Point 4, above).